October 28, 2021

First Date Tips For Men: How To Make Sure She Feels A Spark

Many guys go on dates and “wing it,” they just hope for the best and see what happens. These men might get a kiss goodbye, but rarely more.

Leading dates towards sex (or a second date) isn’t difficult, but there are a few steps you must take to consistently get the results you want.

Most (but not all) girls who go on a date with a guy in the 21st century are open to the possibility of having sex (sometimes they’re even disappointed when a man doesn’t make a move).

We don’t live in the Victorian Era—modern society is getting progressively more sex-positive.

Casual sex is a big part of today’s cultural narrative: random hookups are promoted in everything from pop music to family-friendly sitcoms.

However, at the same time, women do still get slut shamed if they have sex ‘too easily.’ Even if a girl wants to sleep with you, she will only go home with you make her feel like she won’t be judged.

In this article, you are going to learn how to run your dates in a way that will both turn the girl and make her comfortable with the idea of going home with you.

Not every girl will sleep with you on the first date, but if you follow the steps outlined below, many will.

And if you’re not interested in casual sex, these strategies will also help you make the girls you date want to see you again. When a woman wants to sleep with you bad enough, it won’t be hard to convince her to go on a second, third, and fourth date.

The Mindset

She Has Already Chosen You

If a girl goes on a date with you, it is implied that she’s attracted in you.

You (hopefully) made it clear in the initial interaction that you are interested in more than friendship (here’s an infield example of what this looks like: Watch Me Awkwardly Approach A Girl )

Therefore, the girl knows that if she goes on a date with you, you’re probably going to make a move.

If she isn’t attracted to you, what would she have to gain by going on a date with you?

It would inevitably be uncomfortable for her and despite what many people think, women don’t like rejecting men, it’s just as awkward to turn someone else down as it is to get turned down.

Most women will not go on a date with you unless they are at least open to the possibility that something romantic might happen.

So, when a girl you approached shows up to meet you again, you have good reason to assume that she’s attracted to you.

And it’s important to make this assumption, because if you assume a woman is not interested and wait to see signs that she likes you, you’re going to interpret everything that happens through the lens of, “She’s probably not interested.”As a result, you probably won’t physically escalate or invite her back to your place.

Conversely, if you assume she is interested, you will see everything she does through a positive lens, and you will be more likely to take risks.

Positive assumptions don’t guarantee that you will sleep with a girl, but they create the opportunity for something to happen. When you ask a girl to go home with you, there’s at least the possibility that she will say yes.

(In case someone who lacks social awareness reads this, when I say assume she’s interested, I mean assume it until she gives you a reason to believe otherwise. If you lean in for a kiss and she pulls away, respect her decision.)

Remember, on a date, there is very good reason for you to make positive assumptions.

This belief isn’t arbitrary, it’s based on the fact that this girl took time out of her day to hang out with you when she could have done a thousand other things. She wanted to create a situation where something might be able to happen with you.

Pick your poison: assume women are interested and risk an awkward moment, or wait for proof that women are interested, and go without knowing what could have happened if you took a risk.

Preparation For The Date

Once you’ve got the mindset down, the next step is to have a specific plan for how you’re going to lead your dates forward.  

Have an excuse to pull

Generally, when you pull a girl, you’ll make an excuse like, “Let’s watch a movie,” or, “Let’s grab a drink.”

You should have ready a bottle of wine, food to cook (it can be as simple as a frozen pizza), a movie downloaded on your computer, or even a checkers board set up.

The excuse to pull doesn’t have to be anything elaborate, but plan for it in advance, otherwise you’ll have to think about how you’re going to pull her while you’re on the date, and this can easily lead to overthinking and hesitation.

Choose a favorable location

Generally, I have dates about a mile from my place. There’s no reason to create difficulty for yourself by planning the date somewhere too far out of the way (of course, if she lives far away you may want to meet in the middle).

Now, if you can’t pull to your place because you live with your parents, you’re homeless, or whatever, then find out what area the girl lives in and plan the date somewhere close to her place.

I avoid dinner dates because they’re too formal, and this can make both you and the girl feel uncomfortable.

Movie dates are also bad because you can’t really talk to the girl during most of the date, all you can really do is awkwardly put your arm around her shoulder.

Instead, my go to is coffee. Coffee shops are in public so there isn’t any reason for a girl worry about getting ax murdered (compared to inviting her straight to your place).

Plus, coffee shops are a very casual social environment where it’s easy to have conversation—and that’s what a date is really about, you and a girl getting to know each other.

There are a few other good options for dates:

Bars and clubs: Drinking can help you and your date get into a carefree mood. Obviously, you shouldn’t be getting yourself—or her—too drunk, but having a couple drinks in social situations is a cultural ritual for a reason.

If you’re only comfortable going on dates that involve alcohol, that’s a problem.

However, bars are generally a good place to get to know someone. Nightclubs are even better because you can dance with the girl (this is a very smooth way to make things physical).

A public park: Parks are a good place for dates because you can walk around, see the sights, and talk. There’s also no financial investment necessary.

Furthermore, parks are public enough that most women will feel safe, but there’s also enough secluded areas that you can find somewhere to make out with the girl.

A group activity: You can invite girls to see stand-up comedy, to go to a party, or to see a concert.

These dates aren’t as good as the above options for getting to know a girl, but they are good in that they are low investment—someone who’s on the fence about meeting you again may be willing to go to see stand-up with you, whereas she might not get coffee with you.

These kind of dates are also good for building a social circle. You can set up a weekly event that you go to and invite different girls that you meet to join.

This could be a game night at your house, a weekly volleyball game, or something similar. You could even find a group to join on Meetup.com and then invite girls to go to the group’s events with you.

Before The Date

I always confirm my dates a couple hours before the planned meeting time. This greatly reduces the risk of getting stood up. I simply text, “See you at (X location) in 2 hours :)” or something to that effect. Nine times out of ten, she’ll respond by confirming or flaking.

If she doesn’t respond, I just text her again about 30-minutes before the date, “Are you on your way?” And if she’s going, she’ll let me know.

Doing this allows you to avoid wasting time by showing up to a date that a girl may have forgotten about or decided not to go to.  

The Beginning Of The Date

Build Sexual Tension

Men often make dates too logical, almost like an interview. But women don’t go out with guys to exchange information, they go out with guys to exchange emotions.

So, when you’re on a date with a girl, your overarching mindset should be that you’re there because she’s sexy, because you desire her. The words you say may be logical, but the intent behind them should be sexual.

When you’re at the table with her, appreciate her feminine energy, notice how attractive she is. She will sense your desire on an emotional level, and because she’s on a date with you, she probably wants to experience a sexual charge in the interaction.

Your desire for her will turn her on: she wants to feel desirable, she wants you to want her.

Of course, if you get the sense she’s becoming uncomfortable, take a step back, dial down the intensity of your eye contact and keep the conversation light for a while.

Seduction is a two-way street and if you’re two steps ahead of a girl, the interaction isn’t likely to go anywhere.

To create sexual tension, you don’t have to be physical and you don’t have to talk about sex. Although both of those things can help if they’re done well, they can also backfire.

Understand: some girls don’t like being openly sexual in public because they don’t want to be judged as acting ‘slutty’. Therefore, too much physicality can make a girl uncomfortable.

Similarly, talking about sex, if done in a way that isn’t tactful, can make you come across as a ‘fuckboy’: a guy with no class who only wants to get laid.

Physicality and sexual conversation have their place, but they aren’t the most powerful methods for creating sexual tension. The best way to spark desire is by feeling it yourself , and by holding strong, intentful eye contact.

Truthfully, if you do these two things right, you’ll stand out as more seductive than 95% of men. There are other methods for building sexual tension (masculine vocal tonality, being dominant, teasing), but I wouldn’t focus on those until you’ve mastered the two aforementioned fundamentals—they are the points of greatest leverage.

Build Comfort

When you’re on a date with a girl, show interest in what she’s saying, ask further questions, and bring the conversation towards topics that are emotionally relevant to her.

*The girl doesn’t want you to win her over as much as she wants to feel like she’s winning you over. *

Yes, it’s helpful to be witty and insightful, but it’s even better if you make her feel like she’s witty and insightful.

Everyone is somewhat insecure about how interesting they are—especially women (because they’re unsure whether they’re being valued as human beings or merely as sex objects).

If you can make a girl feel confident that she is interesting, she will be completely charmed by you.

At the same time, you don’t want to seem like you’re pandering to the girl, it’s possible to come across as sycophantic if you are overly agreeable and complimentary.

So, on the one hand you should listen carefully to the girl and show interest in her ideas, but on the other hand, she will trust you more if you occasionally challenge her.

Be willing to disagree with things the girl says, this shows that you aren’t a pushover who’s being fake to win her favor.

If you are constantly disagreeable, the girl won’t think you really like her, but if you are constantly agreeable, she won’t think you are being honest.

There should be some occasional friction. So long as you show respect for the girl’s opinions even when you disagree with them, she will respect you because you were willing to stand up for yourself: now she knows she can really trust you.

Moving the date forward

There’s no reason to talk at a coffee shop (or other date location) for several hours. By taking the girl on a walk, you can create the sense that your date has forward momentum to it.

Within the first 30 minutes or so of a date I’ll simply suggest, “Let’s go on a walk,” (this has never been met with resistance).

It doesn’t really matter if the area you’re walking in is visually appealing, all that matters is that the two of you are going on a bit of an adventure together.

You don’t have to initiate physicality while you’re walking with a girl (if there’s sexual tension you don’t need to touch her until you’re in a bedroom), but physicality can be useful in that it will give you objective feedback that a girl likes you.

If you hold a girl’s hand while walking, you can be fairly confident that the girl is interested in you. If you’re unsure whether a girl you’re on a date with is attracted to you, touch can be a great way to get some reassurance.

Pulling

While you’re walking with the girl, you can seed the pull. To do this, suggest something that would be fun to do together. For example, you might say:

You: Have you seen Black Mirror?

Her: No. You: Really, you haven’t? It’s such a great show, you have to see it, we’ll watch an episode sometime.

Her: Okay, sounds cool!

After you seed the pull, go back to normal conversation for a while. Now that the idea of watching a show together has been brought up, it will be much smoother to invite her to your place later on.

Later in the conversation, say something to the effect of, “You know what, let’s go watch an episode of Black Mirror right now, it’ll be fun16.”

When going for the pull, you might get resistance. If the girl says, “Oh, I don’t really have time,” this might indicate that she’s not ready to go home with you yet, or it might mean that she really doesn’t have much time.

If she gives you resistance, you can allay her concerns by saying, “Well, I live five minutes away, and it’s just a TV show, we can watch one episode then I’ll take you home right after.”

If she was on the fence about whether to go home with you, this line will most likely change her mind.

If a girl is giving resistance because she doesn’t want to come home with you, the above line won’t make a difference, and there’s no point in pressing the issue any further.

If, however, she agrees to watch the show, lead her to your car (or her car if you don’t have one), or get an Uber, and keep doing what you were doing.

The tone of the conversation should be exactly the same as it was before the pull—you’re shooting the shit and having fun.

Some guys get quiet and awkward once they pull, this kills the vibe which can lead the girl to say, “You know what, I should be getting home now.” Don’t be that guy.

Conclusion

When a girl agrees to go on a date with you, she’s probably hoping you will turn her on and excite her.

Remember, modern women are generally open-minded to the idea of having casual sex: they just need to meet a guy who makes them feel genuine desire.

Understand: the girl wants you to do well, she wants you to sweep her off her feet.

Fortunately, you don’t have to do much to stand out from the competition, most modern men are incredibly insecure about their sexuality and turn dates into interviews in which she doesn’t feel desire, she feels like she’s signing a business contract.

The keys to a good date are to create sexual tension by holding strong eye contact and allowing yourself to feel desire for the girl, while also building comfort by showing interest in what the girl says and being willing to disagree with her or challenge her opinions (this shows genuineness).

Do those two things, and all you’ll be able to move the date forward by inviting her to hang out with you in private. If you do this well, the majority of women you go on a date with will want to hook up with you.

If you liked this article, you can find more of my content on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4kTcVi-b_9qQnMCRG9WggA

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