To get a better dating life, you must start approaching women. Yet, if you’re anything like I was, approaching women is so hard that it feels like you might as well not even try.
There is a clever way around this predicament: break up your goal into tiny, easily manageable steps. If you’ve never approached a girl in your life, the idea of going out and meeting women can be overwhelming. But you can break down your goal of approaching women into a small goal that anyone could accomplish – and slowly increase that goal.
Think of it like weightlifting. You may have a goal to bench press 300 lbs, but if you’ve spent the last 3 years sitting on the couch watching Netflix, you’re going to have to start small and build up to 300 pounds over time.
Imagine you told yourself that you should be able to lift 300 lbs the first time you go to the gym? Well, because your goal is unrealistic to your level of fitness, you would avoid going to the gym at all. What’s the point in going if you know you’re not going to succeed at your goal?
We do the same thing with our dating goals. We want to go out and meet women, but we know that it’s going to be really hard at first. Subconsciously, we understand that our first attempt at approaching women is not going to get us immediate results. We doubt that we’ll be able to approach a girl if we go out. We’ve spent our entire life seeing thousands of girls we wanted to approach, but we hesitated time and again.
The goal of going out to approach women is genuinely difficult. It’s not an exaggeration to say that most men can’t approach an attractive girl without the benefits of alcohol.
If your goal is to go out and approach women even though you have years of evidence suggesting that you won’t succeed in that goal, your situation is similar to wanting to lift a 300 lb weight even though you’re out of shape. The natural thing to do is to entirely avoid taking action in pursuit of your goal.
What’s the solution?
Well, if you’re out of shape but you want to bench press 300 lbs, you would start with a much smaller weight. You’d set a goal that is realistic to your current skill level. That goal might be simply to go to the gym and find out how much weight you can bench. It might turn out that you can only bench press 80 lbs, that’s fine, you can increase that weight slowly, every single week, until you reach your long-term goal of lifting 300 lbs.
You can apply the same strategy to approaching women. Going out and getting dates with attractive women is a significant goal. Break that goal down into steps that are manageable based on your current level of experience.
Use The Power Of Momentum
If you set a small goal that’s easy to accomplish, you’ll start to build momentum and you’ll be able to consistently make progress. If, on the other hand, you set a goal that’s too large, you’ll stay at home because you know the goal is unrealistic to your current skill level.
Learning how to approach a girl isn’t easy. We spend years building a habit of hesitating when we see a hot girl. So, when you’re attempting to do your first approach, you should start small, very small.
Let’s get specific. I recommend that anyone who isn’t regularly approaching women set a goal to go out at least 5 minutes every day. It’s a small step, but it’s sustainable, and you can build on it over time.
The idea here is to go somewhere with a lot of women like a bar, nightclub, college campus, shopping mall, supermarket, or even a busy street for five minutes each day and to do your best to approach women.
If you go out and you’re unable to get any approaches in, you should still count that as a win because you got out of the house and tried.
If, after five minutes you want to go home, that’s fine, you succeeded. But, if you want to keep going beyond the initial goal, don’t hesitate to do so.
When you’re out, your goal is to do your best to approach women – you can open the conversation with the line, “Hey, I like your style and I wanted to say hi.”
The first approach may be extremely difficult But once you get past the first approach, each subsequent approach will be easier. And if you go out every day, approaching women will eventually become effortless. (however, if you take a few days off between sessions, your momentum will start to fade, that’s why it’s helpful to commit to going out as consistently as possible).
Wrapping Up How To Approach A Girl For The First Time
When I implemented the strategy you just learned, it took me more than a week to be able to approach a girl at all. That week was frustrating, but it was worth it. I was finally able to move past the years of overthinking and worrying and mental masturbation. My first approach wasn’t easy for me, but when I finally did it, it felt like a thousand pounds had been lifted off my shoulders.
Anyone can overcome approach anxiety using the strategy I outlined in this article. However, not everyone can do it in a single day. If you’ve never approached a girl in your life, you’ve been building up excuse-making momentum for years.
It might take you several days or even several weeks of going out and struggling to do an approach before you finally break through your anxiety. Those days might suck, but if you persist, the moment you finally break through will be incredibly satisfying.
A lot of guys have told me the moment they did their approach was one of the best moments of their entire lives.
That might sound crazy, but it makes sense if you really think about. We spend so many hours wondering what might happen if we just said, “fuck it” and approached that attractive that girl who walked by.
Throughout our lives, we come across thousands of intriguing women we want to meet. But, if you’re like most men, you let most – if not all – of those opportunities pass you by.
Approaching a girl becomes such a big deal in our minds that when we finally do it, the sense of accomplishment is completely euphoric.
This article originally appears on: https://redpilltheory.com/2018/11/27/how-to-approach-a-girl-for-the-first-time/
Why the new website?
My choice of website name “Red Pill Theory” coincidentally bears resemblance to the online “Red Pill Community,” and although I write about similar topics to that community, I do not want it to seem that I am an official voice of “The Red Pill.”
For more of my thoughts about the Red Pill Community, see this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dc7ac2rApAI