Dominance – whether sexual or social – has become politically incorrect. Yet, if you look at what women consume in their own free time, it becomes clear that the female psyche has an unquenchable desire for submission. In fact, Learning how to be more dominant is one of the fundamental keys to attracting women.
Romance novels are the best-selling genre of books in the world, and these books are written by women, for women (the readership of romance novels is 85% female). Clearly, these books are satisfying a psychological craving among women. If you dissect these stories, you’ll find that sexual submission to a dominant, powerful man is a nearly universal theme.
Being dominated is an opportunity to completely let go, to be swept off your feet, to get lost in the moment – it is a thrilling and powerful experience.
When one person is dominant it allows the other to be submissive – this creates sexual polarity. The energies of dominance and submission are naturally attracted to each other like magnets.
To be clear, a man doesn’t necessarily have to be dominant and a woman doesn’t have to be submissive, but because it is exceedingly rare that women will play the dominant role, you must do so yourself or there will be no sexual polarity.
Have you noticed that even among gay and lesbian couples, there tends to be one person who is, in the traditional sense, ‘masculine’ and one who is ‘feminine’? (Colloquially referred to as butch lesbians and lipstick lesbians, or for men, bears and twinks) This is because sexual polarity lies at the core of sexual attraction.
Here’s an example of how thrilling being dominated can be for a woman, “I wanted to display my submissiveness to my boyfriend as a role-playing game. We had been wrestling, and it started to get sexual. I had been in a submissive mood, and the thought and the physicality of him dominating me turned me on. He took four leather belts out of his closet and tied me to his bed. I felt completely out of control and like I didn’t have to worry about anything; where to put my hands, what to say, what to do. I let him take me over completely.” – Why Women Have Sex, David Buss.
Women actively fantasize about being dominated. Most men are so hesitant, they are unwilling to be dominant because to do so is a social risk. This only makes the fantasy of submitting to a man that much more appealing, it is so rare in modern society to experience uninhibited lust – the rare man that can create such a moment is practically irresistible.
How To Be Dominant Part 2:
The Manager And The Employee
To understand the difference between dominance and submission, imagine the dynamic between a manager and their employee.
Chances are, the employee is worried that he may say the wrong thing and lose the manager’s respect. So, he filters himself to be agreeable and even somewhat subservient (to avoid being fired).
The manager, on the other hand, is free-flowing and authentic, he knows he has more social power, so he doesn’t feel a need to filter what he says.
When interacting with a woman you like, you should act like a manager, not an employee. This isn’t to say you should talk down to the girl or treat her disrespectfully, it simply means you should be unfiltered and assertive.
The key difference between dominant conversation and submissive conversation is this: when you are being dominant, you are willing to take conversational risks. When you are being submissive, you avoid risks.
For example, if a girl says she likes a particular book, it would be dominant to say you think the book is overrated. Similarly, if a girl pulls out a cigarette, it would be dominant to say, “You smoke? Cigarettes are disgusting. Minus two points.”
Additionally, anything that leads an interaction towards sex is dominant. This could mean leaning in to kiss a girl or throwing her on a bed, but it can also simply mean inviting a girl to dance with you or touching her shoulder.
On an even subtler level, you can show dominance by holding strong eye contact with a girl, speaking with an assertive vocal tonality, and through your body language.
Generally, the more dominance in your interactions with women, the more sexual tension you will build.
To be fair, if you are too dominant, women will feel that you’re a sociopathic asshole. Yet, if your interactions totally lack dominance, they will be flat, almost neutered.
It is possible to be overly dominant, yet few men have this problem: the vast majority of guys aren’t dominant enough.
When learning to be dominant, you may say something that offends a girl, but this is rarely the end of the interaction. Show her that you understand how she feels, “I didn’t mean to offend you, sorry about that.” (switch topics afterwards.) More often than not, the girl will quickly forgive you.
Furthermore, anger is actually much more likely to become sexual desire than apathy is. An interaction with emotional friction has charge, and you can often redirect that charge in a positive direction. But an interaction that is entirely pleasant and agreeable will feel more like an interview than a seduction.
Harsh truth: you can’t have sex without doing anything that risks offending a girl. Leaning in to kiss a girl might upset a girl, inviting her to her your place might upset her, even telling her that you like Harry Potter could upset her.
Every woman is different, you can’t have a real human interaction without creating some emotional friction here and there. Your interactions shouldn’t be so offensive that they regularly end in yelling or tears, but at the same time, an argument is more likely to lead to sex than trite politeness is.
Understandably, you would never arbitrarily pull a girl who you just met by the hair or say something like, “I want to fuck you, hard,” without building up to it first. Dominance is something you can escalate throughout an interaction. At first, you might display dominance by disagreeing with a girl, teasing her, or by saying something controversial.
If she responds well to this milder dominance, you can build up on it until you eventually reach a point where you’re in a bed with her saying, “Call me master and I’ll give you what you want.”
How To Be Dominant Part 3:
When Dominance Doesn’t Work
Of course, dominance by itself isn’t always appealing. Understand, if women respond negatively to your efforts at being dominant there are two likely explanations:You are not congruent.
You are acting dominant, but the woman can tell you don’t really believe that you deserve to play that role. In this case, it may help to use a direct approach. If you approach directly, being dominant will feel more natural – for both you and the girl – because the sexual context was set from the beginning.
Furthermore, many men are taught to be submissive and uncontroversial throughout their upbringing – because of this, acting in a way that is dominant may feel unnatural to your personality at first. But if you continue practicing it will eventually become a part of who you are and once this happens, women will respond very positively to this newly developed side of your personality.
- You aren’t offering enough value
If you are comfortable with being dominant, but women still often respond poorly, this is a sign that you are not offering enough value in general to warrant such dominant behavior. Women don’t want to be dominated by any man, they want to be dominated by a man who has social and sexual value.
When your overall demeanor is negative, dominant behavior will seem out of place. Dominance is powerful, but it’s not a replacement for having a generally attractive personality.
So, if you are comfortable with being dominant, but it’s not being received well, I recommend focusing on the other forms of offering value before turning your attention to dominance (see the articles: How To Attract Women With Positive Energy and How To Exude Sexual Magnetism).
Wrapping Up How To Be Dominant
Women and men alike are normally flooded with self-absorbed and insecure thoughts. When a girl is being hit on, she might think, “Does he like me?” “Would it be slutty to go with him?” “Will he judge me if I’m too flirtatious?” Dominance takes away the need for these insecure thoughts.
When you are totally sure of yourself and comfortable with taking a dominant role, women are less likely to overthink and second-guess themselves in your presence – your certainty becomes their certainty.
Dominance is most powerful when offset with a certain tenderness. On the one hand, you assert yourself unashamedly. On the other hand, you do listen carefully to the girl, you are generally positive and charming, and if a girl seems at all uncomfortable with what you’re doing, you take a step back without getting upset with her.
Not everything you do should be dominant, that would become overbearing. But dominance is a form of value you can offer women because it creates sexual polarity, it gives everything a charge. Without that charge, your interactions with women would be flat , there may be no reason to reject you, but there’d be no reason to sleep with you either.
PS: This article originally appears on: https://redpilltheory.com/2019/05/14/how-to-be-more-dominant-the-politically-incorrect-truth-about-dominance-and-submission/