The following is a free sample from my upcoming book, The Method:
You don’t need a fancy technique to lean in to kiss a girl for the first time; all you have to do is make your intentions clear and see how she reacts. If you wait for a girl to give you signals that she wants to be kissed, you’ll likely end up waiting indefinitely (women’s signals are easy to misread).
However, if you create a situation where the girl has to respond to your signals, her feelings will be much more apparent.
What do I mean, exactly?
While you’re close to a girl (standing, on the couch, on a bed, etc.), hold prolonged eye contact to see how she reacts.
If she holds eye contact with you, nine times out of 10, she wants to be kissed.
If she blushes or shyly looks away for a moment, that often means she wants to be kissed as well.
If you do this, but you can’t tell whether a girl wants you to kiss her, you can simply say, “You know, you’re really beautiful,” (Or you could say, “I really want to kiss you right now, “) while maintaining intense eye contact. If she wants you to kiss her, she’ll hold eye contact; if she doesn’t want you to kiss her, she’ll (most likely) completely avert your gaze or make a comment to diffuse the tension.
You’re creating a situation where the girl can feel that you want to kiss her: this gives her the opportunity to either pull away or accept the kiss.
It is possible to misinterpret these situations, but understand, leaning in for a kiss isn’t offensive in itself, even if the girl doesn’t want you to. You’re only offensive if a girl rejects your kiss, and you ignore her resistance. It’s not making the move that’s a problem; it’s ignoring a rejection once you get it.
Don’t be afraid to lean in to kiss a girl, so long as you respect her reaction; you’re not doing anything wrong.
Understand, not leaning in to kiss a girl could also be offensive—if she went to your place hoping to hook up with you and you don’t make a move, she might get upset because you’re not giving her what she wanted.
What if she rejects your kiss?
If you attempt to kiss a girl and she turns you down, your best move is to take a step back and find out why she rejected your kiss. For instance, you might say, “Was that too soon?” Or, “Sorry, I lost control of myself, do you want to take things slow?” If she agrees, she is interested, but she’s not comfortable with getting physical yet. In this case, you can take your time, talk more (think somewhere in the range of 15-45 minutes), and re-escalate when you think she’s ready.
Alternatively, the girl might say something that implies she isn’t interested. She may mention she has a boyfriend or that she just wants to be friends. The best response is to respect what she says and to assume the interaction is going to be strictly platonic.
Generally, it’s still beneficial to leave things on a positive note, you may be able to become friends with her, and she may even end up introducing you to her female friends.
Now, it is possible that the girl is playing hard to get. Maybe she has a boyfriend, and she is willing to cheat on him, but she wants to take the responsibility off of herself for cheating by ‘rejecting you.’ Or, perhaps she is very insecure about doing anything “slutty,” and by giving resistance, she can tell herself that she wasn’t doing anything wrong.
In such situations, the girl may want to have sex with you, but she’s also willing to play games, do you really want to get laid so badly that you’re going to deal with that?
The safer option is to just move on to the next girl; however, if you run into this situation and want to pursue things further, the most effective strategy is to keep hanging out with her without being pushy at all. Then, once you’ve vibed with her for a while (again, this usually takes roughly 15-45 minutes), you can make a move again, she may react very differently. If you do this, make sure to get affirmative consent. She was hesitant earlier, so you want to be absolutely sure she does want to have sex with you (not only for ethical reasons but for legal reasons as well. More on this later).
The rest of this chapter about how to physically escalate will be available in The Method.