The following is a free chapter from my upcoming book, Attraction On Demand
Sometimes, pulling is as simple as saying, “Let’s get out of here.”
If a girl has already decided she wants to have sex with you, you don’t need any special tactics to bring her home with you.
However, women rarely decide they want to have sex with you before they’re in a bed with you.
One girl I met told me, “We’re not having sex tonight,” three times before she went back to my place. Then, on my couch, she said, “Are you going to fuck me already?”
For men, sexual interest is binary: if a guy is attracted to a woman, he’d probably like to have sex with her. For women, sex is more complicated.
In terms of being interested in sleeping with you, women will sometimes categorize you as a “yes” or “no”, but most often, you’ll be categorized as a “maybe”. Even if a girl is attracted to you, even if she’s turned on in your presence, she still may decide against having sex with you.
As a woman, sex comes with a lot of risks—physically and socially. Women need to know they can trust a man before going home with him. The average man is more than twice as strong as the average woman and the risk of being harmed is real. Furthermore, many women encounter men who are too pushy and aggressive, and subconsciously, even if a girl likes you, she may be concerned about the possibility that you’re going to be one of those overly aggressive guys.
Then, there’s the risk of being slut-shamed. Although some women encourage their friends to hook up with random guys, other women mercilessly judge their friends when they do something ‘slutty.’
Further, sex comes with an inherent risk of pregnancy. Even if you use a condom, you could slip it off without telling her (I’ve known guys who’ve done this), and birth control isn’t 100% effective. So, for a woman to sleep with a guy means risking the possibility of having his baby.
So, as a man, the idea of going home with an attractive woman has many benefits with very little risk. As a woman, however, going home with a man has potential benefits, but it also has a lot of risks. Because of this, a woman’s decision to have sex with a man isn’t binary, it’s gradual.
Even if a girl thinks you’re extremely attractive, she would probably reject you if you were to try to pull her five minutes after meeting her. There’s a process she needs to go through to be ready to go home with you and to then have sex with you.
Generally, women need to see that you are assertive, but not pushy. You must take the lead, but at a pace she can relate to.
Now, there are no universal rules to this, every girl is different. Sometimes you could successfully start a conversation with, “Hey, would you like to come back to my place?”
Of course, that would rarely work. But don’t limit yourself by thinking something like, “She seems to really want me, but I can’t pull a girl on the first date.” Or, “It’s the beginning of the night, there’s no way she’s going to leave with me now.” As a rule-of-thumb, pulling a girl usually takes 45 minutes to an hour and 35 minutes, but there are plenty of exceptions.
Pulling has a momentum to it. You’re basically leading the girl—both physically and emotionally—towards having sex with you. This starts small with strong eye-contact or a spark of sexual energy, and then you build on that gradually. If you rush this, the girl will feel that you’re pushing her towards something you want, without regard to what she wants. The pacing is what matters most, you’re not fixated on the ‘finish line’, instead, you are slowly escalating.
Think of an entire interaction with a woman like foreplay. If you were to fuck a girl the second she got on your bed without any foreplay, it would be a dull experience for her—there was no time for her to arousal to build. Similarly, if you try to pull a girl as quickly as possible, there’s no time for her to build a desire to go home with you. She wants to know who you are, she wants to know she can trust you, and she wants to experience a growing excitement for hooking up with you.
In the following sections, I lay out a comprehensive guide to pulling that is based on how women want to be pulled. It’s a process that takes place over an extended period of time and gradually builds in intensity.
Deciding To Pull
When you’re talking to a girl that you’re attracted to, determine what the ideal outcome for that specific interaction is.
For instance, if a girl has an interview in 30 minutes, then you probably don’t have time to pull her. In this case, your ideal outcome for the interaction would be to set up a date with her.
You must find out if pulling a girl home is a realistic possibility, otherwise, you could easily spend over an hour with her only to get a pat on the back and a hearty, “It was nice meeting you!”
In the men’s dating advice community, this is referred to as screening for logistics. Basically, you’re determining how likely it is that you will be able to pull a particular girl later that night.
Whenever you have a solid interaction with a girl, make a habit of asking a few logistical questions.
For example, you might ask:
- What are you doing later?
- Who are you here with?
- How did you get here (Driving/Uber/etc.)?
- What area of town do you live in?
- What are you doing tomorrow?
The above questions will give you useful information. If, for instance, you learn that a girl drove her five friends to the club, she lives an hour away, and she’s flying across the country tomorrow morning, chances are, you’re not going to pull her.
Conversely, if she lives across the street, she came to the club alone, and she says she’s not doing anything later, the likelihood that she’ll go home with you is much higher.
Of course, asking too many logistical questions would quickly become obnoxious. To avoid making your questions come across as inquisitional, sprinkle them throughout the interaction rather than asking them back-to-back.
Below, you’ll find general guidelines for the best to the worst answers you can get to logistical questions:
What are you doing later?
- Good logistics: Nothing, what are you doing later?
- Bad logistics: I’m going back to my parent’s house.
Who are you here with?
- Good logistics: I’m here with some friends, but I actually came here by myself.
- Bad logistics: I’m here with my mom.
Did you drive here?
- Good logistics: Yeah.
- Bad logistics: No, my friend Dave drove me.
What area of town do you live in?
- Good logistics: 5 minutes away from here.
- Bad logistics: About an hour away.
What are you doing tomorrow?
- Good logistics: Not sure yet.
- Bad logistics: I have to wake up at 4 a.m. to go to work.
To be clear, if a girl really wants to hook up with you, you may be able to find a way to overcome a bad logistical situation.
Once in Vegas, my wingman and I pulled two girls from the club. My girl was excited to hang out more and get a drink back at our hotel. The other girl, however, wasn’t so enthusiastic: during the car ride, she repeatedly complained that she just wanted to go home and sleep. But it didn’t matter because the girl I was with really wanted to spend more time with me. My girl told her friend that she could sleep in the car while we had shots in the hotel room. And that’s exactly what happened.
Ultimately, it’s useful to know logistics, but if you think a girl really wants to go home with you, there’s a good chance you can make something happen regardless of her situation.
Memorizing all these logistical questions can seem overwhelming, fortunately, there’s one simple question you can ask to get an idea of whether a girl might be interested in going home with you later that night. Say either,
- “What are you doing later?”
- Or, “There’s an after-party later tonight, you should come.”
More often than not, women will respond to this question based on how they feel about you. So, if they want to keep hanging out with you, they will make themselves available:
- “I’m not doing much, how about you?”
- Or, “I’d be down to go to a party later.”
Conversely, if a girl knows she isn’t going home with you later, she might say something like,
- “I’m going back home with my roommates to sleep.”
- Or, “I can’t go to a party tonight, I have other plans.”
To be clear, a girl might make herself unavailable when you ask this question only to change her mind later. But more often than not, her response to, “What are you doing later?” will give you a good idea as to whether she would like to go home with you.
If you don’t have much experience approaching women, your best option in this situation is to exchange numbers with the girl and start meeting other women.
Maybe she likes you, maybe she doesn’t, but you know she’s probably not going home with you that night. Remember, your most valuable resource when you go out is time. Besides, you have her number, so if she is interested in you, she will likely agree to go on a date with you.
As you gain experience meeting women, you will develop an intuitive ability to sense whether you’ll be able to pull a girl later. And in many cases, even if a girl initially seems uninterested in going home with you, you’ll be able to change her mind. But when you’re new, taking this kind of risk isn’t likely to pay off.
When She Has Good Logistics
If you get the sense that you might be able to pull a girl (I.E. she seems interested in you/she says she’s not busy later), then you should find out if she will leave her friends to hang out with you in a different area.
Make a suggestion like:
- “Hey, let’s go to the outside area where we can actually hear each other.”
- Or, “Let’s go to the dance floor for a minute.”
- During the day you might say, “There’s a Starbucks right down the street, let’s get a quick cup of coffee.”
If She Won’t Go With You
If a girl is unwilling to move to a nearby area with you, it’s unlikely she’ll be willing to leave the club to go to your place.
You will have to decide whether you think the girl won’t move to another area because she isn’t interested in you or because she has a tight-knit group of friends that don’t want to separate.
If it’s the latter, you may still be able to go home with her at the end of the night. Instead of pulling her, you can let her pull you (see section, “Go With Her.”)
If, however, you think she might not be interested in you, it’s best to exchange numbers with her before approaching other women.
When a girl won’t leave her friends, you’ll have to weigh your options, it isn’t likely you’ll be able to make something happen with this girl on that same night, but that doesn’t mean it’s impossible.
Again, as a rule-of-thumb, it’s better to play it safe (get the number and move on to another girl) when you’re new to approaching women and it’s better to take risks when you’re more experienced.
So, if you’re new to cold approach, you will get the best results by:
- Setting up as many dates as possible (on a date, the logistics are very much in your favor),
- By finding girls who have a good logistical situation in clubs.
Basically, find the “yes” girls who are actively interested in going home with a guy that night and exchange numbers with the “maybe” girls who are less enthusiastic and less available.
Then, as you accumulate experience, you will develop a fine-tuned sense of how interested a particular girl is and whether you will be able to overcome her less than ideal logistical situation.
If She Agrees To Go With You
If the girl says yes to your request to go to another area with you, then you can dance with her or hang out with her in the area you suggested.
This is a very good sign that you may be able to pull, women will rarely consciously say they want to go home with you, they show their interest through their actions – and leaving to another area with you is one of the biggest green lights you can get that a girl is open to the idea of leaving the club with you later.
Taking Her Home
Okay, a girl is following your lead from one area to another. After you’ve been talking with her for roughly 45 minutes to an hour and a half, the next step of leading is to bring her home with you.
Fortunately, pulling isn’t rocket science. So long as the emotions are right, many women will want to go home with you, and oftentimes all you have to do is ask. More than a few times, I’ve pulled girls simply by saying something to the effect of, “Want to get out of here?”
Of course, if you mentioned the idea of going to an after-party earlier in the interaction, you can pull by saying, “Hey, let’s go to that after-party I mentioned.”
Now, inviting a girl to an ‘after-party’ when it’s really just you and her might sound creepy. Here’s the truth, if you use lines like the above when there’s no mutual sexual attraction, then yeah, it will be a little awkward.
I once brought two girls back to my place to go to an ‘after party,’ but when we arrived, they realized there was no real after-party, and they said they had to get an Uber. But this has only happened once in my entire life, and it was my own fault—I was focusing on the pull without considering whether there was enough sexual chemistry and trust.
Ultimately, if a girl is interested in you and she agrees to go home with you, it’s unlikely she’ll be surprised if it turns out the after-party is really just you and her.
If you’re unsure whether a girl is attracted to you, you can make a point to physically escalate before bringing her home. When a girl is willing to grind with you or make out with you, you can be fairly confident she’s interested. Afterward, you can make the pull happen without worrying about whether she’s attracted to you or not.
You don’t need a great reason to bring a girl to your place, you just need an excuse that isn’t “let’s fuck,” or, “Would you like to have sex?” (saying that puts way too much pressure on the girl). If a girl is interested in hooking up with you, she will agree to go to your place for whatever silly reason you come up with. A friend of mine once pulled by saying, “I have an amazing book collection at my place, you have to see it.”
Here are a few more examples of simple excuses you can use to bring a girl home with you:
- “It’s way too loud here, let’s go somewhere quiet where we can have a real conversation.”
- “Let’s get a drink back at my place.”
- “I’m hungry, we should get some food.” (If she agrees, you can suggest cooking something back at your place—if nothing else, you can make a frozen pizza.)
You: “Have you seen the show, Californication?”
You: “You’ll love it, you have to see an episode with me later.”
Then, you can bring the show back up again when you’re ready to pull by saying, “Hey, let’s go watch that episode of Californication.”
To be clear, sometimes a girl will refuse to go home with you even if she likes you. Maybe the girl has a boyfriend she didn’t mention. Maybe she just don’t do one-night stands. Sometime, a girl can’t go home with you because she doesn’t want to get judged by her friends.
Once again, if a girl won’t go home with you, your best option is to make plans to go on a date with her later and to then go meet other people. Say something like, “It’s been cool talking to you, we should get coffee sometime.”
When a girl rejects your invitation to go home with you, it’s often not that she’s rejecting you, she just can’t go home with you at that particular moment. That’s why you should make plans to hang out with the girl later in this situation.
However, sometimes when a girl can’t go home with you, you can still go home with her. Understand: pulling a girl back to her own place is a bit more messy than bring her back to your place, but sometimes it’s the best option: if a girl is unwilling to leave her group of friends, you may be able to follow her and her friends to wherever they’re going at the end of the night.
You’re going to have to decide whether going back to a girl’s place is likely to lead to something. It’s not always possible, however, it’s important to know how to not only pull a girl to your place but also how to let a girl pull you to her place.
Go With Her
At this point, you should find out what the girl is doing at the end of the night. If she says she’s going to her friend’s place to get some sleep, it’s unlikely she’s interested in bringing you back to her place. Conversely, if she makes herself available, you may be able to make something happen (I.E.“My friends and I are just going to hang out.” Or, “I’m not sure yet, just going home.”)
Before deciding to go back to a girl’s place, ask yourself, “What would happen if she and I were alone in a room together?”
If the answer is, “We’d tear each other’s clothes off,” then going with her has a good chance of leading to sex.
If the answer is, “We’d awkwardly talk about surface-level topics for a while, but nothing else would happen,” then going home with her is probably a waste of time.
Once you’ve decided that you’re going to stick with a girl and go with her at the end of the night, just stay with her for the rest of the night.
If the girl is carpooling back home with her friends, it’s important that they like you. So, make a point to spend some time with her friends, be positive, joke around with them, and show them that you’re interested in them by engaging with them and asking them some questions. If the friend-group doesn’t like you, it’s going to be exceedingly difficult to go back with them at the end of the night.
Once the clubs close or the girl says she’s about to head home, you can go with her. To do this, ask, “What area of town are you headed to?”
Reply to whatever her answer is with, “Oh, I’m near there, we should split an Uber.” If she’s unenthusiastic about the idea, then she’s probably not that interested in going with you, but if she says something along the lines of, “Yeah, that sounds good.” Then you can leave with her at the end of the night.
When you’re in the Uber with the girl, you need to create an excuse to enter her house. The easiest way to do this is to simply ask if you can use her restroom while you wait for another Uber to your place.
When you’re in the girl’s house, one thing should lead to another. You’ll both forget that you were “waiting for your Uber”.
Now, if you’re thinking, “This sounds creepy,” well, it is creepy if she’s not into you. However, if she wants to have sex with you, you’re simply creating a logical excuse to do what you both want to do.
You can’t tell a girl, “Oh, you have to go home with your friends? Can I come along so we can fuck when you get home?” That wouldn’t be relatable.
If you want to go home with a girl, you have to create a situation where it makes sense for you to end up in her house. Again, you should only do this if you’re confident that it’s on between the two of you.
What if you can’t pull to your place?
Let’s say you live an hour away from the clubs in your town or you still live with your parents and you can’t bring girls back to your place. Is it still possible to pull girls? Yes, of course, the only difference is that you must pull to the girl’s house.
To do this, the strategy is the same as bringing a girl back to your place with one difference: make a point to suggest that you go back to her place. For instance, if you tell a girl that you want to watch a TV show and she agrees, follow up by saying something to the effect of, “Okay, how far is your place from here?”
Whether she replies with, “I’m 5 minutes away.” Or, “I’m 20 minutes away,” you can say, Okay, cool, that’s much closer than my place, let’s go.”
Sometimes, a girl will not be able to bring you back to her place (I.E. she lives with her parents), in this case, you can either get a hotel or move on to the next girl. However, most of the women you meet will have a place you can go back to.
I’ve pulled girls back to their own place many times, and despite what many guys think, it doesn’t need to be much more complicated or difficult than pulling to your place.
The next chapter, “How To Fuck A Girl Well” covers what to do once you’re in a private location with a girl.
You can get three free chapters of Attraction On Demand, here: https://mailchi.mp/a0bd967f057c/attractionondemand
If you’re serious about getting your dating life handled, sign up for a completely free coaching call with me: https://mailchi.mp/243385759889/freecoaching